Monday, December 13, 2010

Do I Care?

Not only do I write as a career, I write to seduce men into my dungeon. As I cruise, I’m very liable to suggest that a potential sex partner read one of my books or (more often) give them something I’ve written that details my desires. I recently sent a potential slave applicant an essay that characterizes me, the kind of slave I am seeking, the rules he will live by and the fetishes that will be part of his service to me.

Now this guy holds a higher-than-usual level of attraction for me because he is a professional freelance editor and therefore can relocate relatively easily (all his work is done with a computer and his client interactions are most often done online). He has just the talents I need to take care of my ever-demanding clerical chores.

The editor-in-him wrote: “it is having difficulty fully squaring the following two statements: ‘I am in multiple relationships each of which is clearly defined. We are a leather family of respect and care. [and] I am self-centered and can be a mean and demanding son-of-a-bitch. Though I am generous and protective, in most cases I don’t care about a slave’s feelings.’”

The word “care,” used in two different ways, caused problems for him. If he had picked up the same dictionary that I did, the “American Heritage College dic-tion-ar-y,” he would have seen that there are 15 definitions for the word. So get your dictionary, and look them up —or if you want to take it from me, then I’ll use the two that best explain the seeming discrepancy that he pointed out. The first is “A burdened state of mind, as that arising from heavy responsibilities; worry.” The second is “Caution in avoiding harm or danger.”

In the sentence, “We are a leather family of respect and care,” I mean that we use caution in avoiding harm or danger. We care for each other in a supportive and protective way.

On the other hand, I mean it when I say: “I am self-centered and can be a mean and demanding son-of-a-bitch. Though I am generous and protective, in most cases I don’t care about a slave’s feelings.” My slave’s feelings are not important to me.

I say that because one of the most important tasks that a slave faces is to align his (or her) will and desire to those of his (or her) owner. It is exactly this synchronization of mind that facilitates the creation of a deeply intimate bond between master and slave. Of course the same can be said of any human relationship. When two people agree, they become like-minded, of one mind. The deeper the agreement, the stronger the one-mindedness.

This requires surrender on the slave’s part. Without surrender there is no possibility of voluntary servitude, which is what we masters and slaves practice. Remember, our “slavery” is not the chattel slavery of enforced servitude, imposed by the threat of punishment and/or death. It is the true surrender of one to another that transforms the slave’s feelings into alignment with the master’s feelings. Hence the slave’s feelings become a reflection of mine. The feelings he has are mine. When that happens, I care how he feels because he feels as I do — and I care about my feelings.
I guess I don’t worry about his feelings because I’m too busy worrying about my feelings, which, because we share them, are really our feelings.

In regards to the phrase “a leather family of respect and care,” I am merely reaffirming core principles of the master/slave dynamic. Masters must be responsible. In other words, we have a duty to protect our property. What owners don’t want to do so? We wisely invest our dollars; we make sure our homes are kept in good repair; we feed our livestock and manage our businesses so they prosper. How can we not do the same for our slaves?

Also, as my New York slave James notes, there is a “mutuality of interest.” Unless I care for my slave as I would for any other piece of property or any relationship, I will quickly lose the property and therefore the benefits that the property affords me. In that regard “taking care” is simply a selfish act since it ensures the continuity of the service and pleasure that I get from the slave.

I want my BDSM to be fun but I also want it to be intellectually satisfying, rational and healthy. In order for that to be so, we must spend time on the essentials. There is an important need to consider these two important definitions of the word “care.”

And without giving “care” its full range of meaning,  our play will cease to be fun.

It is as simple as that.

Have a great week


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