I recently found myself in a very hot scene with a man whom I obviously found very attractive and who elicited a great amount of torrid dialogue from me. For those of you who don’t know, I tend to be very verbal in the dungeon, using both flattering and seductive language (“I want to own you for the rest of my life”) and contrarily a great deal of verbal abuse (“Suck me, you good-for-nothing faggot”).
It all has to do with both creating a good scene and letting a good scene take you even further than you had thought to go.
That said, it’s important to note that a scene is not a life. Of course one could just as well say that a life is made up of a series of scenes, as in Shakespeare’s quote that “All the world’s a stage.” However that may be, there still remains the importance of understanding that a scene is not a life.
Unfortunately a good number of newbies, attracted to our dungeons by the hope of having their fantasies made real, also find themselves perplexed by the incompatibility of their fantasy life with what they know about actual living. So it is that I too often run into postings on the internet where someone outlines an impossible fantasy, only to flee from it when the possibility of its being real faces them.
You know the hype: “Chain me in your basement for the rest of my life” or “I want to be castrated and abused” or “Humiliate and degrade me.” It is these same posers who cease communication when faced with the reality that you really do have a cage in your basement.
The first note, then, has already been written: “A scene is not a life.” Let us enjoy the play while we do it and when we are done doing it, let’s remain mindful that we also have a life that needs to be lived responsibly.
As much as we do enjoy scenes the next note brings them into a proper perspective: “Fantasy made real may not be reality.” Take, for instance, the idea that we have slaves in our subculture. It is a hot and enduring desire to be owned, used, controlled; to serve and to belong. Still, no matter how deeply the connection becomes between master and slave, reference to any dictionary will quickly remind us that there are no slaves in our midst. There are, rather, men and women who are in a relationship of voluntary servitude. Consent given can always be taken back. That is the reality and the number of men and women who were once collared and are not now makes that reality very clear.
Next, then, remember that “Not every fantasy ought to come true.” The darkest of dreams, i.e., extreme degradation, mutilation, murder, and the like, may make (for some) a hot topic for masturbation. They do not make for pleasant reality when disease, death, or the law enters the scene. In that regard, there can be no abdication of responsibility, by either the top or the bottom. Play we can, but we are still required to play responsibly.
“Not every scene works” is my next note. A scene, a partner, a fantasy may appear to be really attractive yet fail in the delivery. In that case it is important to remember that it is a scene and there is no shame in ending it. If it’s not working, say so.
There is a saying that applies to scenes as well: “Be careful what you pray for.” I say this because it is remarkable to me what people will write in their profiles and say they want in a chat room, when they have no idea what the realization of their fantasy might mean. It seems to me that they are writing their wish list only to arouse themselves and certainly not with any intention to see their prose made real.
Even with the best of prose and the craftiest of fantasies, “Let there be room for spontaneity.” Going with the flow, after all, is going to be more fun.
And yes, “Life is a series of scenes.” Just remember when one stops and the next one begins. It’s also an encouraging note that says there’ll be another scene at another time. Until then, play hard and play safely.
Have a great week. Jack