Thursday, December 13, 2012

Documenting a Relationship

For long-term readers of my posts, it is no surprise (or is it?) that I spend a great deal of time attempting to create relationships. I am rather persistent about doing so and, when the forces of attraction, possibility, fantasy and probability align just right, I work hard at it.

So my Chicago object-applicant and I have been negotiating since December, 2010.

Recently we returned to the idea “key holder” for a chastity device.

For him, it has a high place on his list of desires. For me, it represents a step in the direction of control. Now it’s just a step, but that is always the way a long journey begins.

So over the weekend, I told him to buy a male chastity device. Yesterday he did.

The (edited) dialogue went this way:

Object:  I think the chastity idea is a good way to start You probably know that I have conceived of chastity prior to submission...followed by indefinite orgasm denial. If that is even possible?

Me: Yes. There is little I don't know about you.

Object: What kind of device would you want me to get??

Me:       A good one that you can wear for long periods and that can go through security checkpoints.

Object:  It is part of the overall privation and suffering the object should experience. Eventually it knows it would happen...on your terms. And the increase awareness of being controlled. Yes.. A constant reminder.

Me:       Then do it. Submit your genitals to my control.

This morning this we had this text:

Object:  I ordered the chastity thing.

Me:       I'm glad to hear that

Object:  Feels kind of silly unless it is being "required" or unless there is a key holder.

Me:       Do we need to discuss this? I told you to buy it. That might not exactly mean "required" but short of your surrendering to my control, it comes close. As for "key holder" did I err in thinking that was me?

He agreed that I was right….

The un-discussed topic here is that I am very wary of assuming what is agreed upon in a relationship. It seems to me, having lots of experience with failed relationships, that one of the primary reasons they fail is that one partners assumes certain conditions that the other partner is unaware of.

Herein lies the value of documenting the discussion in writing. Make it as simple as notes or as formal as a written agreement. Pen and paper have memories much more reliable than ours. “What did we say?” and  “What did we mean?” are both questions that, when the discussion is documented, are substantially easier to answer.

So there will be a written agreement (we had a similar one last Spring). I get my sense of control over part of him. He gets the strong reminder that I am in control of his sexual behavior.

It works for both of us!

Have a great day. Jack

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