Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thing For a Week

It signed a one-week contract with yours truly yesterday after a two-week dialogue about objectification, which I define as the process of taking control of another in such a way that the other's self-hood is fully committed to the will and service of its owner. (For a fuller essay on this topic visit my website where I have posted a rather long article on the topic.)

For the past year or so, I have become increasingly interested in pushing the limits of dominant/submissive relationships. In reality the idea of increasing the intensity of my own mastery has been actively churning in my mind for years.

I remember that the first glimpse of such a possibility occurred to me more than 12 years ago, while I was slave in service to Master Lynn. At the time, I became fully enthralled with the idea of serving him. There were strong feelings of devotion, love, and even worship. I wanted to go as low as possible in order to exalt him as high as I could. Such were my feelings.

It had a lot to do with polarity and the energy exchange, which I will touch upon later in this essay.

Eventually, I found myself thoroughly enjoying my master/slave relationship with Patrick – something that still brings both of us great pleasure. As I thought of my mastery, I wanted more of it, i.e., greater domination, more subjugation, an increase in sadistic pleasure, etc. In general I wanted more intensity.

I realized, though, that concerns of health, both physical and mental, reasonably limit intensity. What one might be able to do in a "scene" is very often not sustainable over a longer period of time. No matter how strong our desires might be, the necessities of life, such as sleep, work, chores, and relaxation, impose themselves on us in a way that no master ever can.

OK, if I really were Mr. Benson, i.e., independently wealthy, that might not be the case, but in my current situation it is.

One of the answers I arrived at was to take on more than one slave which, to be honest, was always the plan anyway.

Over time, one's environment changes and such is the case with our subculture. In the past five to seven years, and perhaps longer than that, I have seen an marked increase in the acceptance and the implementation of more intense fetishes. For whatever reason, what was once done by the few, the elite, and the hidden, has become more and more mainstream.

With more frequency and more openness, I began to see a marked increase in men seeking more intense subjugation. One of the forms of this is objectification. Unfortunately many of those who seek it link objectification with drug use, commonly called PNP (play and party).

As I hope you know, I generally frown on using drugs to allow oneself to push one's usual limits in the area of BDSM. I like to face my SM face-to-face and in full control of all my faculties.

What, though, of those men (and I am sure there are women who seek objectification as well) for whom such domination is an authentic state?

In search of such men, few that they might be, I developed an intense, even extreme persona, on one of the gay BDSM cruise sites and began to seek such men. Over the time period of five months I have found four men who are seeking such a life. For them becoming an "it" is a sought-after goal and an act of self-actualization. In conversations with these few men I find several rationales for their actions: Yearning, Authenticity, Surrender, Polarity, Bonding and Belonging, and Intimacy.

Like those I sought, I too had the same rationales, though rather than surrender I sought domination.

"It" cruised me two weeks ago and I replied with "Thanks for the cruise. Do my dark desires tempt you?" It answered, "Yes SIR, they do. slave is drawn to YOUR Dark desires. slave has been feeling a yearning, lust from very Dark places.

What ensued was daily contact, mostly through Yahoo chat, as it was reluctant to give me its phone number and wouldn't call me from home for fear its room mate would learn of its desires. By the way, such fears are not uncommon, as you probably remember from your first ventures into kink.

In time we worked our way up to lunch-time phone calls. In the meantime, my thoughts became increasingly filled with the lust of ownership, subjugation, and debasement. "Dark" is a very appropriate adjective to use.

By last Thursday, I felt we were ready to try out the fetish. The operative word here is "try." Its rather conservative nature and my policy of "one step at a time" led us to only try it. So we came to agree that objectification for one week would be an appropriate experiment.

My writings are filled with such advice. It is a common apprehension and a decidedly false idea that one must jump "whole hog" into a new kink. As a matter of fact whether it is a kink or a relationship, slow and steady is much to be preferred.

As I wrote above, one of the attractions that objectification holds for me is Polarity. Although a full explanation of the power dynamic in BDSM relationships is beyond the scope of this essay, every relationship can be seen as a power exchange of some kind. Most, of course, only exhibit moderate levels of polarity, though these levels certainly vary with the activity and mental states of the participants.

What sets objectification apart is the severity of the polarity. The two participants in the relationship manifest attitudes and actions at the extremes of human behavior, i.e., the one becomes lord; the other the lord's possession. It is the domination/submission dynamic pushed to its furthest limits of near-total control and near-complete surrender.

It might be argued that such a polarity is neither attainable  nor sustainable. Such considerations do not seem to deter the applicant. He is driven to seek it and to live it as fully as possible. OK, to be honest, I am driven to seek it and live it as well.

If a small gap in an electric circuit causes a small spark and a large gap causes lightning to strike, what happens when the energy between two partners is allowed to become highly polarized, which is another word for intense?

Perhaps a few definitions might be in order. Polar – "occupying or marked by opposite extremes." Polarize – "to cause to concentrate about two conflicting or contrasting positions." If then we see objectification as the concentration of control on one side of the polarity and its contrasting characteristic (surrender of control) on the other, we then have what seems to me to be a more intense D/s relationship and a significant increase in the energy, power, in that dynamic.

So what happens? The short answer is that the feelings reveal an exhilarating space, a kind of completeness for the moment. I've yet to determine the long-term implications of such a relationship. That's what we hope the experiment will show. Stay tuned. You never know what I'll come up with next.

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