Thursday, February 17, 2011

Accurate Naming

“Representative Christopher Lee of New York abruptly resigned on Wednesday night after a shirtless photo of himself, which he had e-mailed to a woman, was published on the Internet.”

Before I launch into my usual ranting self, I suppose I have to admit that the above quote, taken from the February 9, 2011 online version of the New York Times, is accurate. Lee did resign after his shirtless photo was published on the Internet. The problem I have with the quote, though, is that it seems that sending someone a shirtless photo is reason enough to resign from Congress. It’s not and it’s also not the reason that Lee had to resign.

He had to resign because of his infidelity, not his photo. It’s my contention that most of us dare not call an illicit action by its real name as doing so reminds us of the hypocrisy with which our society is overwhelmed.

Let me give you an example. I recently had a conversation with a married man who wanted to play with me, unbeknownst to his wife. During the course of one of our conversations, the guy said “My wife and I have a good relationship.” “Do you ever talk to her about sex?” I asked. “No,” he answered.

Am I the only one who sees thr fallacy in his statement? The last time I looked, marriage included a sexual relationship with one’s wife. Can a marriage be healthy, i.e., “good” if it doesn’t include dialogue about sex? I doubt it.

Now I don’t think the guy was trying to fool me. I think he was trying to fool himself. His hypocritical statement didn’t harm me. It harmed him and his wife. My response was to point out his misstatement: “How can you have a good relationship with your primary (and in her mind probably sole sexual) partner if you can’t talk about sex?”

He went on to admit that they hadn’t had sex in nearly ten years. A healthy marriage? I doubt it!

If we are going to maintain a healthy subculture we have to begin to practice what we believe in no uncertain terms. Most of us can probably agree that trust is the necessary basis for what we do. After all, we don’t let people we don’t trust tie us up, do we?

How then can we trust people who regularly hide the truth with euphemism, distortion, or omission? In that group I include those who tolerate such inaccurate speech as well.

Are my ideals too high? Am I playing Pollyanna when I ask for clear language and true communication? I think not.

Let me set the record straight. I not only send pictures of my naked torso via the Internet. I also regularly send a very explicit photo of my erect cock in the same manner. It is a real picture of my very real penis. The only photo shopping of it that I have done is to crop out extraneous background and to optimize it for web viewing.

After all, I am happy with my 7.5 inch circumcised penis. It has been a good friend of mine since I first realized how much fun an orgasm could be.

And, in case you are in doubt, yes, my sex partners know that I do it. There is no need for scandal, resignation, surprise or infidelity here. The truth that I am promiscuous is there for all to know. It’s there because I am as honest as I can be. I can think of no other way to earn a person’s trust than for me to be trustworthy in my speech.

That said, I’ll also honestly admit that I am not perfect and there are some aspects of my personal life that I feel no need to reveal to the whole world. On the other hand there is no aspect of my personal life that I think I can honestly with-hold from my partners. Discretion is, after all, the better part of valor and I do try to use appropriate language according to reasonable norms.

Now, another disclaimer. As a married man I regularly cheated on my wife by having sex with men. I hid what I was doing very well. I spent some six years living as a liar and when I finally admitted the truth to her I made the decision to never allow myself to live in such abject deceit ever again. The words “The truth shall set you free” are true words and I never want to return to the bondage of lies.

Truthfulness is not an easy path, especially when we understand that it means “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

OK. Here’s a necessary qualification for those who are shaking their heads about my idealistic approach to the truth. I am not advocating indiscretion, un-thoughtful disclosure, inappropriate information, or that everyone come out to everyone else. There is a time and a place for every action under heaven and that includes the disclosure of personal information.

The purpose of truthfulness is to bring us to authenticity --- the discovery and actualization of our essential self. Leather, open as it is to all kinds of roles, is the perfect place to find and live that authenticity, From there we bring it to the world. When we do, what a better place the world will be.

Have a great week.


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